Getting My Meat On! @ Green Street Smoked Meats

For your listening pleasure: Reverend Horton Heat

Let Me Teach You How to Eat

A cancelled appointment and my disdain for waiting in line led me to an early supper. I started my trek in the direction of Green St. in the hopes that I would not find a crowd that resembled the stock exchange floors. It's 6 P.M. and Green St. looks free and clear and all is a go!

 As I entered the door of Green Street Smoked Meats, I was greeted by a tattooed man with an impressive beard, who makes sure you know the laws of the meat! You don't mess with the meat!!!

This is not the bearded man

The bearded man told me to get hooked on phonics and order under the signage that says "Order Here." What? This is an actual functioning sign? and not just kitsch? I don't know what kind of affliction I have, but ordering fast food style somehow stresses me out! This better be worth it!

As I stressed over the ordering process, I stressed over the amount of times my mind changed as to what my belly wants in it. Everything looks so good! it doesn't help that I'm watching this man cut meat, and every piece looks so scrumptiously barbeque-ey.

OK..my turn...I ended up getting the Frito Pie. yes it has Frito chips in it, and it's even served in  the Frito bag! I can't remember the last time I've had Fritos, and what they did here is amazing! It reminded me of loaded nachos, but with  perfectly smoked pulled pork and BACON!

This was my tray of food. I thought the tray and butcher paper was a nice touch. Yes, you are seeing Wonderbread WHITE BREAD!!! Whole grain wheat, 10 million grain bread does not live here! 

To answer the meat conundrum I was dealt with, I thought that there was no better way to go but...PORK BELLY!!! It's basically very thick cut bacon, and it was perfectly seasoned with...uh..smoke and deliciousness?

What's meat without it's blanket of sauces. Here at Green Street Smoked Meats, they give you four sauces to bath your meat with. Coffee, Texas, Vinegar, & Spicy. I was expecting the coffee to have a hint of coffee. I'm not sure If my taste buds are paralyzed, but I did not get coffee. The Texas is the barbeque sauce for people who refuse to stick their foot outside of the line. The Spicy was my favorite. It was sweet, smokey, and spicy. The vinegar was something I somehow skipped. Find out on your own I guess.

Oh you see this fun beverage right here? This IS your awesome grandma's sweet tea...if your grandma loves hiding bourbon in her tea. My starving self should not have started with bourbon. This might have been the reason why my taste buds were paralyzed and I skipped the vinegar sauce. Did I mention you can order a pitcher of this sweat tea?! Uhhm yes! Grandma knows how to party!

And for dessert... ice cream! During my internal stress out session in the "Order Here" line, I spied with my twitching eye, the signage...ICE CREAM! I ordered it along with my meal, and was given the mark of the super meat hero. You get "VIP treatment" when you order ice cream. You get to cut in line after your meal to collect your sugar.

Meal time done!!! Time to flash my pig stamp like a super power...whooosh...it's ice cream time! Look at that delicious hard (butterscotch?) coating on this creamy little thing...but to my disappointment...it tasted like "meh." Once again, should I blame my paralyzed taste buds? 

Despite the "meh" ending to my meal, I would go back to get more meat, but maybe not be so buttoned up next time. Barbeque sauce on your sleeve is not a good look. You can however rock the sauce in plaid and your beard, which was a common sight during that night. It's one way to save the flavor for later. Oh yah...I would even line up and "Order Here."